يرتبط التعاطف الشديد بضيق شخصي شديد.
يُخفف تنظيم مشاعر الآخرين من الضيق الشخصي.
تتوسط المنطقة الأمامية والوصلة الصدغية الجدارية اليسرى - وهما منطقتان مرتبطتان بعمليات نظرية العقل والتمييز بين الذات والحالات العقلية الأخرى - انخفاض الضيق لدى مُنظِّم المشاعر. باختصار، إن تنظيم مشاعر الآخرين، وخاصةً عند النجاح في ذلك، يُخفف من مشاعرك بشكل كبير. ملاحظة: في بعض الأحيان، يكون تنظيم مشاعر الآخرين غير مناسب أو صعبًا للغاية. في هذه الحالة، قد يكون من الأفضل مراقبة مشاعرهم بتعاطف بدلًا من تنظيمها. ولكن بشكل عام، يُفضل أن تكون مُساعدًا فاعلًا بدلًا من أن تكون مُراقبًا سلبيًا. قد يُعوّض القيام بدور أكثر ديناميكية تكاليف التعاطف من خلال مساعدتك أنت وشريكك على تنظيم مشاعركما وتقليل المعاناة.
In Arabic, the word "malhouf" (الملهوف) means
An oppressed person who cries out and pleads for help
A grieving, distraught person, either due to the loss of their wealth or the death of a loved one, who cries out and pleads for help
"Malhouf" (الملهوف) also means eagerly pursuing something, especially a position.
To feel intense longing for what one has lost: regret, sorrow, burning grief, sadness.
Imam Ibn Taymiyyah said
“Among the greatest acts of worship are: relieving the needy, fulfilling needs, supporting the oppressed, aiding the distressed, and enjoining good.
A collection of hadiths about aiding the distressed
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
“Whoever helps his brother in need, Allah will help him in his need. And whoever relieves a Muslim of a hardship, Allah will relieve him of a hardship on the Day of Resurrection.” (Sahih Muslim)
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade sitting in the streets,
except for: “relieving the distressed and guiding the lost.” (Sahih Abi Dawud)
The Comment
Sitting in the streets is a form of bad manners and idleness. A Muslim is commanded to be engaged in work, and when he finishes one task, he should immediately move on to another. Even rest time is considered part of this. Islam is about intention: to take the intention of resting in order to work again with high energy, as God Almighty says (So when you have finished, then stand up). Scholars explain this by saying: When you finish one task, stop for the next without interruption unless you are tired and need to rest with intention. Here, the noble hadith makes an exception to this reprehensible idleness, such as several chairs on the corner of a shop where a group of men sit chatting, or cafes, or other places: helping someone in distress whom you see on the road or guiding someone who is asking about a particular street. This is not among the reprehensible idleness. If this is your life inevitably: take one of these two intentions for your day and night, and you will either be provided for or not be provided for on this day by this Dua'a.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) spoke the truth when he said
“Whoever relieves a believer of a hardship in this world, Allah will relieve him of a hardship on the Day of Resurrection. And whoever makes things easy for someone in difficulty, Allah will make things easy for him in this world and the Hereafter.” (Sahih Muslim)
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) also said, “Allah has chosen certain people to bestow blessings upon for the benefit of His servants. He allows them to keep these blessings as long as they share them. If they withhold them, He takes them away and gives them to others.” (Hasan li-ghayrihi)
The Comment
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not mention financial blessings as an example, as few people possess wealth beyond their needs, especially in that era. However, the blessings of Allah are countless. Some of us are healthy enough to walk a distance to deliver something to someone's home, or to fetch a bucket of water for them, or to deliver their necessities. Do not be surprised by this, for it is from Allah's bounty that your country is not... War, so if you are financially able, buying a cart or tractors to carry water bottles to countries at war is a blessing, or if you see a small child burdened with water in a war-torn country and you carry water for him, then you have used the blessing of health not for yourself, but for a child who is most likely an orphan. And some of us have wisdom, and you were burdened with worries, so you sit with him for a while, and then your worries scatter and you carry in their place a new way to try to solve the problem from a way that you did not know. And some of us, and some of us. So, here are the doors of distress, do not close your door, whatever its type, because as the scholars say: clip blessings with the scissors of gratitude, for blessings have wings, if you do not clip them with gratitude they will fly away and go to others. Do not clip them with oppression, no, no, gratitude is the only scissors.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said
“There is no servant upon whom Allah bestows a blessing and grants it abundantly, then makes him dependent on people for his needs, and he becomes disgruntled, except that he has exposed that blessing to being taken away.” (Its chain of narration is good.)
On the authority of Abu Musa, who said: The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said
“When the Ash’ariyyin ran out of provisions during a campaign, or when their families in Medina faced food shortages, they would gather whatever they had in a single cloth and then divide it equally among themselves in a single vessel. They are of me, and I am of them.” It is stated in Al-Fath: “Meaning, they are connected to me… and that is the ultimate honor.” For Muslims.
The Comment
One of the Prophet Muhammad's (peace and blessings be upon him) preferences for the Ash'ari tribe was that when they went on a military expedition, they would place a single garment on the ground and spread out all the food they had with them. (Note: one might have meat, another only dates, etc.) Thus, the one who brought only meat would eat meat and bread and finish with dates, while the one who brought only dates would taste the meat, which they might have been craving. This demonstrates a kind of shared responsibility that strengthens relationships rather than destroys them. Today, in convent schools, if Muslim and Christian girls go on a trip, each girl doesn't take her food to her room. Instead, she hands it over in the reception hall to the nun supervising her, and the girls share it. If we consider this good, so that neither a rich girl feels proud nor a poor girl feels embarrassed, we must remember that this is at the heart of our religion. Unfortunately, if you were to do this among Muslims, you might feel that you have said something inappropriate or that you have less food than they do, even if it is out of humility. This is at the heart of our religion.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said
“There is no servant upon whom Allah bestows a blessing and grants it abundantly, then makes him dependent on people for his needs, and he becomes disgruntled, except that he has exposed that blessing to being taken away.” (Its chain of narration is good.)
On the authority of Abu Musa
who said: The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “When the Ash’ariyyin ran out of provisions during a campaign, or when their families in Medina faced food shortages, they would gather whatever they had in a single cloth and then divide it equally among themselves in a single vessel. They are of me, and I am of them.” It is stated in Al-Fath: “Meaning, they are connected to me… and that is the ultimate honor.” For Muslims.
The Comment
One of the Prophet Muhammad's (peace and blessings be upon him) preferences for the Ash'ari tribe was that when they went on a military expedition, they would place a single garment on the ground and spread out all the food they had with them. (Note: one might have meat, another only dates, etc.) Thus, the one who brought only meat would eat meat and bread and finish with dates, while the one who brought only dates would taste the meat, which they might have been craving. This demonstrates a kind of shared responsibility that strengthens relationships rather than destroys them. Today, in convent schools, if Muslim and Christian girls go on a trip, each girl doesn't take her food to her room. Instead, she hands it over in the reception hall to the nun supervising her, and the girls share it. If we consider this good, so that neither a rich girl feels proud nor a poor girl feels embarrassed, we must remember that this is at the heart of our religion. Unfortunately, if you were to do this among Muslims, you might feel that you have said something inappropriate or that you have less food than they do, even if it is out of humility. This is at the heart of our religion, just remember.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said
“The believer to another believer is like a building, each part strengthening the other.” And in Bukhari’s narration: “Then he interlaced his fingers…”
The Comment
Just imagine: that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) likened the believers in their relationships to a building. Yes, he said this (peace and blessings be upon him). A building is made up of adjacent bricks, even the spaces between them are filled with cement or other building materials to form a structure. Look around you: Do you see relationships whose psychological, physical, and other spaces are filled with cement that, once it dries, cannot be separated brick by brick?! We, the people of Islam, are people of resounding slogans. Don’t say “no” out of respect, but rather lower your head in humility. Otherwise, if you were confident, interlac your fingers as the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) did specifically.
It is narrated on the authority of Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said
“A Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. He does not wrong him, nor does he abandon him. Whoever helps his brother in his time of need, Allah will help him in his time of need. Whoever relieves a Muslim of a hardship, Allah will relieve him of a hardship on the Day of Resurrection. And whoever conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection.
The Comment
Does not wrong him
Are you a believer? I hear you say: Yes, I believe in God. What is the proof of that? My Muslim brother: Our religion can be considered as three parts: one-third ritual acts of worship (prayer, fasting, etc.) and two-thirds transactional acts of worship (honesty, heartfelt love, mutual advice for good, etc.). Even transactional acts of worship, such as prayer, are not accepted by God Almighty if you use them to look down on others, or if you feel superior to others in faith, or if you give to the poor and then boast about it.
And He does not hand them over to their families. Imagine some forms of slavery today; children are handed over from one trader to another until they reach the final buyer, who may not even be Muslim, while the enslaved person was originally Muslim. They are subjected to hard labor and some modern forms of slavery, such as forced labor without any pay, or hand-picking cotton—very hard work—for a wage less than you can imagine. This cotton is used in the production of famous international brands that earn millions of dollars and are based on the first step in the supply chain. This is in addition to sexual slavery—yes, as you read—of Muslim women and children. And who sells them? "Muslims," did you know that Mauritania was once a leading exporter of slaves to the entire world? And you, as an expert, know it's a Muslim country, and the traders were undoubtedly Muslim. Then Asia, particularly India and China, took over this practice. My brother, handing your Muslim brother over to someone who will harm him for any reason—even if you claim your goal is noble—is fundamentally a despicable one. But we all: when we speak, we speak of principles—please don't argue—but when we act, we act of self-interest.
There's really no need to elaborate further on the hadith
You are certainly very proficient in Arabic and can easily find the vocabulary to convey the precise meaning of the noble hadith. May you rest in peace, O Messenger of Humanity.
On the authority of Anas ibn Malik (may God be pleased with him), who said
The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whoever helps someone in distress, God will write for him seventy-three pardons, one of which is the rectification of all his affairs, and seventy-two will raise his rank on the Day of Resurrection.
The Comment
O Lord, conceal our weakness and helplessness at times. I truly don't understand, nor can it ever cross my mind, how someone in distress and need of your help can come to you, and this help wouldn't diminish your material, moral, or social standing—you could easily do it—and then not. This is truly remarkable in the eyes of people. Once again: O Lord, have mercy on our weakness and helplessness at times. Among the benefits (the rectification of all your affairs), my brother: if not for the one before you, then for yourself. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) didn't tell you to prioritize others over yourself, but rather to give him from what God has given you: wealth, status, assistance, advice. But to abandon him in his time of distress is completely incomprehensible.
On the authority of Ibn Umar and Abu Hurairah (may God be pleased with them)
who said
We heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) say: “Whoever walks to fulfill the need of his Muslim brother, Allah will shade him with seventy-five thousand angels until he finishes. When he finishes, Allah will write for him the reward of a Hajj and an Umrah.
It was narrated on the authority of Sa’id ibn Abi Burdah, on the authority of his father
on the authority of his grandfather, on the authority of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), who said:
“The Charity is due from every Muslim.” They said
“O Prophet of Allah, what about one who cannot find anything to give?” He said: “He should work with his hands, thus benefiting himself and giving charity.” They said: “What if he cannot find anything to give?” He said: “He should help the needy and distressed.” They said: “What if he cannot…” Does he find it? He said, “Then let him do good and refrain from evil, for that is charity for him.
Th Comment
The Messenger of God, peace and blessings be upon him, listed the aspects of good in order, not leaving you to your own devices and desires. Rather, at the end of the hadith, he asked you, “Then let him do good and refrain from evil, for that is charity for him.” What is good? It is what the righteous people of a society recognize as acceptable. What is evil or reprehensible? It is what the righteous people of a society reject. Doing good for someone is “a form of Islam.” Refraining from polytheism when it is evident and you are capable of it is “a form of Islam.” Where did you get this harshness from? Where? Will you tell us?
The Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, said
“Every Every breath you take each day upon which the sun rises is a form of charity you give to yourself. Among the forms of charity are: saying "Allahu Akbar" (God is Greatest), "Subhan Allah" (Glory be to God), "Alhamdulillah" (Praise be to God), "La ilaha illallah" (There is no god but God), "Astaghfirullah" (I seek forgiveness from God), enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing thorns, bones, and stones from people's paths, guiding the blind, making the deaf and mute hear until they understand, directing the seeker to a need you know to its location, hastening with all your might to the distressed and the one seeking help, and raising with all your strength the weak. All of this is a form of charity you give to yourself. And you also have a reward for having intercourse with your wife. Imagine if you had... A child was born, grew up, and you hoped for his reward, but he died. Were you expecting this reward? You created him, you guided him, you provided for him. So, place him in what is lawful and keep him away from what is unlawful. If God wills, He will give him life, and if He wills, He will cause him to die, and you will still receive a reward.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said
“There is no person who abandons a Muslim in a place where his honor is violated and his reputation is attacked, except that Allah will abandon him in a place where he loves to be helped. And there is no person who helps a Muslim in a place where his reputation is attacked and his honor is violated, except that Allah will help him in a place where he loves to be helped.
The Comment
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow, always and forever, there are Muslims whose honor is violated in Countries experiencing wars – countries suffering from famines, and sometimes wars and famines combine with poor health or the inability to access health products or even basic hygiene, especially for women and children. This is a violation of human dignity, a fundamental principle of human rights. Slavery is a violation of human rights, and the violation of privacy, whether in your home, your shop, the street, or on social media, is a violation of the right to privacy, a fundamental human right that is not respected in any European country, let alone some Arab countries. There are those who violate these rights in a barbaric and blatant manner, and some of them generalize their actions to others, which then reflect back on them. And you: I hear you saying, "What is my fault in governments that have failed their people? Can I change the world?" No, rather, make a change in your own circle. If you can send money or in-kind assistance, even just once, to fulfill your obligation before God Almighty, then do so. And if you cannot, then make a positive change in your own country, and intend with good intentions that this expenditure or action will, by God's grace, reach our people in any corner of the earth. My brother, if O Uyghurs of the honorable people of China: Sunni Muslims are subjected to severe human rights violations and do not practice religious rituals like us, and they are truly far from us. If we send them money, its value may be lost due to currency change. So, if God Almighty blesses you with a gathering of knowledge (memorization - interpretation - religious gathering, etc.) and you collect charity for the marriage of an orphan, for example, give it with the intention of the people of China, and next time with the intention of the people of Rohingya in Myanmar - India, and so on. You can also do that with good deeds, such as saying: O Lord, this is 100 prayers for forgiveness for the people of East Turkestan, and this prayer upon the Prophet for the people of Sudan and Gaza, and so on.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whoever walks to fulfill the need of his brother, it is better for him than observing i'tikaf for ten years.”
And on the authority of Abu Hurairah (may God be pleased with him), the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said
“Whoever relieves a Muslim of a hardship from the hardships of this world, God will relieve him of a hardship from the hardships of the Day of Resurrection. Whoever makes things easy for someone in difficulty in this world, God will make things easy for him in this world and the Hereafter. Whoever conceals the faults of a Muslim in this world, God will conceal his faults in this world and the Hereafter. God is ever helping His servant as long as the servant is helping his brother.” (Al-Albani in Sahih At-Tirmidhi 1930, and he said: It is an authentic hadith.)
On the authority of Abu Hurairah, the Messenger of God (peace and blessings be upon him) said
“The truly needy person is not the one who goes around asking people for a morsel or two, or a date.” And the two dates... They said, "So who is the poor person, O Messenger of God?" He said, "The one who does not find enough to make him self-sufficient, and people do not notice him to give him charity, and he does not get up and ask people for help."
The Comment
The one who does not find enough to make him self-sufficient, fine. And what else? And people do not notice him to give him charity, and he cannot ask people for help out of embarrassment. It is truly regrettable that our Islam has become nothing more than resounding slogans, which, more often than not, do not go beyond our throats. It is a circle in which we all revolve, until a noble person comes along and breaks this circle, and the slogans become not just slogans, but actions that resonate with reality and are witnessed by it.
The Psychology of Relief
The Amazing Benefits of Helping Someone in Distress
Have you ever watched a horror movie alone? Most people would probably prefer to watch such a film with a partner or close friend. Of course, it's reassuring to have a companion who can calm you down in stressful situations. But the effect can also be the other way around: comforting someone else can help alleviate your own distress.
In a fascinating functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) experiment, Simon Gwendelman investigated the benefits of regulating a partner's emotions and how regulating others' emotions differs from regulating one's own in the brain.
The regulating Others' Emotions Alleviates One's Distress
Using an innovative fMRI model, the study explored the relationship between empathy and the regulation of one's own and others' emotions. The results showed that “individuals exhibited high levels of personal distress when their interaction partner was experiencing negative emotions in response to distressing visual stimuli, and that highly empathetic individuals were more prone to personal distress.”
The exposure to another person’s emotional distress and not effectively helping them
regulate their negative emotions resulted in higher levels of personal distress compared to when participants were allowed to express their emotional reactions. “Individuals with high emotional empathy with negative images performed lower in emotion regulation overall (i.e., higher distress ratings).”
The Self-regulation activates the right medial temporal gyrus,
while other regulation leads to greater activation of the frontal lobe (located in the parietal lobe of the brain) and the left temporoparietal junction, which are associated with social cognition, such as self-distinguishing from others and understanding the mental states of others.
The during the regulation of social emotions, the functional connectivity pattern of the frontal lobe may favor emotion regulation by activating mechanisms in the parietal cortex, enabling self-regulation in the context of regulating another person. Thus, the regulation of self and others may involve neural circuits. Shared.
Overall, the findings suggest that empathy may be costly and lead to greater distress when experiencing another person's suffering. However, active other-regulation leads to "a similar reduction in self-distress as in the regulation of self-affirmations, supporting the hypothesis that social-regulation reduces an individual's negative emotional states," as shown in previous research.
The reviewed study concluded the following
High empathy is associated with high personal distress
The regulating the emotions of others reduces personal distress
The left frontal lobe and temporoparietal junction—areas associated with theory-of-mind processes and the differentiation between self and other mental states—mediate the reduction in distress in the emotion regulator. In short, regulating the emotions of others, especially when successful, significantly reduces your own distress. Note: Sometimes, regulating the emotions of others is inappropriate or too difficult. In these cases, it may be better to observe their emotions with empathy rather than regulate them. But generally, it is better to be an active helper than a passive one. A passive observer. Taking a more proactive role may offset the costs of empathy by helping you and your partner regulate your emotions and reduce suffering.
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